BOSTON, Massachusetts (BNW) – Much to the surprise of many, the world failed to end today. “We’re totally surprised,” remarked one local official. “It seemed so obvious.”
Local politicians had predicted the end of the world on this, the one-year anniversary of legal same-sex marriage within the United States. They cited the laws of God, the decay of tradition, and “attacks upon the sanctity of marriage” as probable causes for the world’s end.
Throughout the United States and Massachusetts, officials are now re-examining their previous positions. “Perhaps we overreacted a little,” said one source who asked to remain anonymous. “The sky hasn’t fallen. There’s a new landscape. The world has changed,” remarked Sen. Stephen Buoniconti, previously an opponent of same-sex marriage.
Still, doomsayers say it’s not too late. “We, uh, have until midnight,” one remarked.