When Kurt Vonnegut was on the Daily Show, they ran out of time before he could read his list of “Liberal Crap I Never Want to Hear Again”. Thankfully, Comedy Central has posted the list to the Web.
September 22, 2005
Okay. I’m an odd duck. I’m a gamer, I’m a roleplayer, I own a recreation of a 16th century dagger. But at no point have I ever stood on the floor of a state legislature, held a golden sword, and declared myself guided by a mystical warrior named Chang.
September 21, 2005
McSweeney’s lists the Unqualified Successes of George W. Bush’s Two Terms in Office (So Far).
September 20, 2005
The FBI’s about to start really cracking down on the looming danger threating America. Terrorists? Organized crime? Drugs? Nope. Pornography.
Not kiddie porn. Just the regular kind.
The new squad will… gather evidence against “manufacturers and purveyors” of pornography — not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults.
“I guess this means we’ve won the war on terror,” said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. “We must not need any more resources for espionage.”
September 19, 2005
The Governator isn’t behind bill 849, the gender-neutral marriage bill. Tell him to support it.
Call 1-916-445-2841 to reach the offices of Governor Schwarzenegger. [Side note: "Governor Schwarzenegger" will never stop sounding ridiculous.]
Push 2 to voice your opinion on legislation.
Push 1 to address Assembly bill 849.
Push 1 to support the bill.
Remember — if you call from work, it’s free!
September 7, 2005
New! It’s The Blame Game!
Setup. One player is designated “commander-in-chief.” Since this role is less involved than the others, the rulebook suggests that you assign it to a small child, or a large pet. The remaining players gather around the table, and the dealer shuffles a deck of “Who’s Responsible?” cards. As setup proceeds, the commander-in-chief surveys the game board, whistles, and remarks, “Dodged a bullet here!” He then leaves the room.
Thanks to JDW for the pointer.
Number of National Guard soldiers killed in Iraq through August 27, 2005: 269
Number of National Guard soldiers killed in the entire Vietnam War: 97
Days since September 11, 2001 that Osama bin Laden has remained uncaptured: 1,454
Days after bombing Pearl Harbor that Japan surrendered to U.S. forces: 1,365
Number of times President Bush mentioned the “war on terror” in one month before the 2004 elections: 71
Number of times in the six months following the 2004 elections: 66
…you have people who don’t heed those warnings and then put people at risk as a result of not heeding those warnings. There may be a need to look at tougher penalties on those who decide to ride it out and understand that there are consequences to not leaving.
Yeah, how dare those people be too poor, ill or immobile to leave! Why can’t they just pack up their SUVs, fill up the tank, and head out like everyone else?
September 6, 2005
No one is suggesting that mayors or governors in the afflicted areas, nor the federal government, should be able to stop hurricanes. Lord knows, no one is suggesting that we should ever prioritize levee improvement for a below-sea-level city, ahead of $454 million worth of trophy bridges for the politicians of Alaska.
But, nationally, these are leaders who won re-election last year largely by portraying their opponents as incapable of keeping the country safe. These are leaders who regularly pressure the news media in this country to report the reopening of a school or a power station in Iraq, and defies its citizens not to stand up and cheer. Yet they couldn’t even keep one school or power station from being devastated by infrastructure collapse in New Orleans â even though the government had heard all the “chatter” from the scientists and city planners and hurricane centers and some group whose purposes the government couldn’t quite discern… a group called The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
And most chillingly of all, this is the Law and Order and Terror government. It promised protection â or at least amelioration â against all threats: conventional, radiological, or biological.
It has just proved that it cannot save its citizens from a biological weapon called standing water.
September 2, 2005
September 1, 2005
In early 2001, FEMA published a report that said the three most likely disasters to hit the U.S. are a terrorist strike in New York, an earthquake in San Francisco, and a hurricane in New Orleans. However, instead of allocating money to the Army Corps of Engineers to study and solve the problem, all funding was cut and diverted to a certain war in the Middle East.
“I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees. They did anticipate a serious storm. But these levees got breached. And as a result, much of New Orleans is flooded. And now we are having to deal with it and will.”
REPORTER: One project, for instance, is the one where people felt they needed $60 million in the current 06 fiscal year, and they were given $10 million. Those types of projects. And a lot
MCCLELLAN: Which project is this?
REPORTER: Southeast Louisiana Flood Control.
MCCLELLAN: Flood control has been a priority of this administration from day one.